Waiting for the Sun.
Sometimes life is just… unbearable. So much strife heaped on while simply trying to get by. It’s exhausting.
My son told me yesterday that he can eventually get a job in his field (IT) making more money than I have ever made after getting my master’s degree and he won’t even need to finish college. The injustice of it makes him angry.
I tried to explain that’s the difference between certain fields — some have high paying jobs, and some do not — such as mine, the environmental science field.
And in the background, I wrestle with what I have come to call soul fatigue. I have worked hard for many years and still we struggle to get by. A master’s degree later and our lot has not improved by much, unfortunately.
And suddenly, without much warning, this week our lives tumbled closer to the abyss. Not in it, just… precariously veering closer to the edge of it, the void looming in its indifference.
It is not a good feeling.
In times like these I remind myself that sometimes we just need to wait for better weather. Wait for the sun. Focus on simple things that are pleasant. Such as moving my plants into the sunshine for a few hours, since I seem to have so many that need full sun and yet most of my windows face north.
This simple act of moving my plants into the light of the sun reminds me of the importance of focusing energy and maintaining momentum, and not succumbing to inertia or the slow slog of depression and despair.
Which brings me full circle to the fact that I need to clean my apartment.
Clutter is its own form of despair.
I will set to work on it but right now I am busy writing this short essay.
Sometimes I like to daydream what it would be like to have real social programs in this country that actually worked well for people. Maybe pathways to home ownership, subsidies for families without means testing everyone to tears, and other things like living wages, affordable housing, gainful employment, et cetera, et cetera.
I do this to try and maintain perspective on what nations are supposed to do for the people that live in them (which is to serve and support them, all of them, in case you were wondering).
Such basic things for a fulfilling life, the absence of which makes climate resilience feel like a vanishing mirage.
Just waiting for better weather.
I will wrestle these moments from the jaws of climate change and despair.