On Individuation

A short exploration on cultivating a unique existence.

Self-portrait, imprint.

I am at a place in life where I need to cultivate an entirely new social life for myself. I have some ideas of where and what and how, but I’m finding that as I endeavor to create new things to do and experiences to enjoy, there are threads of my old life that cause friction.

So what to do?

It has become a daily evaluation of what exactly the friction is, and what to let go of, so that I can allow something new in my life. Something that better suits me. A life that allows me to be more — me.

This change seems to be hard at times, especially for some people in my life who want me to keep being the person I’ve always been, because it is comfortable for them. Comforting, okay sure, I get that. However.

I am not here to provide comfort. That is not why I am here on this earth. Society seems to want to argue with me over this but I disagree. I did not come here to be ever so self sacrificing. I came here to live and exalt in my existence, for better or worse.

To be who and what I am, whatever that may be.

And much to my dismay, it continues to be necessary to make these changes — these forays into authenticity — in the same ol’ place I’ve lived for years. I would much rather move to a new geographic location where I would prefer to be, but a handful of heavy obligations prevent this, for now.

So as I embark on these changes, sometimes the shadow of self-censorship creeps in… what if someone from my old life becomes angry with me about something from my new life? What if they don’t understand? I suppose the answer to that is, so what?

I can see that I am afraid of losing people I care about, afraid they might leave.

And maybe they will.

But that’s okay.

Because I still have me.

And I have plenty of guitars to play in my own company.

Essay 011 of the 0100 series

© Dawn Nelson, 2022

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